Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sometimes, life is harder to face.

Anna: I take a lot of pictures. Sometimes, I feel kind of intrusive when doing it, and I know my kids will sometimes roll their eyes at me when the camera comes out.

And sometimes, you wish there were more.

Yesterday, I found out my youngest brother was killed in a terrible accident.  He had been missing for several days before he was found. Living in another province from the rest of the family makes it difficult to keep in touch, find out what happened, when and where. I spent yesterday glued to my computer, constantly checking my emails, as it's the most efficient way of communicating - that and I couldn't really trust myself to talk on the phone.

With nothing useful or helpful to do, I found myself going through old photos of my brother.  I've been making dvds of photos and videos to share with my family for a couple of years now, so I decided to make a video tribute to my brother.

What I discovered is that I have very few photos of him.  My sister had scanned and shared old black and white photos, but I had next to nothing recent.  I had some I took during our visit on Thanksgiving last year, and I had some of him working that one of my SILs had emailed to me.  I had no recent photos that included his wife and daughter.

Sometimes, I don't know if I'm doing right by looking at life through a lens; that maybe the camera is getting in the way of participating in that life.

At times like this, I wish I'd been able to do it more.

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